Definite Maybe

My friends have started to tease me as, lately, my temporary permanent status is a big fat definite maybe.  I have become a total commitment phobic because it seems that any plans I make are derailed by illness or contractor appointments (bloody french plumbing!).  I commit to something only to have to back out.

And, it drives me crazy.

I have learned so much about myself in these past few years.  I am not sure if I should shout it from the rooftops with a boisterous "hallelujah!" or if I should go to my general doctor and beg for a year long prescription of Prozac.  But, I like control.  I like order.  I like routine.  I wish I was perfect (which I clearly am not and is an entirely separate blog entry.. let's just say I am eternally grateful for the truth of the Gospel and my patient husband).  And, I love to reach goals.

In order to reach goals, you have to have some set.  Which I don't.

I happened upon a blog written by Jon Acuff from a friend's link on facebook and I found the FinishYear challenge and it inspired me to have some 2012 goals for myself (a little late on the uptake there, maybe?).  I think we all have these whimsical goals floating around in our heads but, as my Uncle Will once told me, unless you write them down, you aren't likely to meet them.  I believe there is some truth to that. 

If I can't manage to meet my commitments on a weekly basis - albeit due to things that do take priority (I mean, heaven forbid I allow you to think my reasoning would be less noble.. remember the perfectionist bit?  Never mind the "cares too much about what other people think" bit) - my hope is that a few long term goals can be achieved to satisfy my need to have completion. 

(Hopefully not mistaken for being completed)

Writing them down publicly adds a spice of accountability which is fuel for the perfectionist to kiss the slacking that slithers in good-bye. 

So, here goes. 

1.  I will run in two 5k races this year (one in May and one in June) and I will complete them in less than 30 minutes.

2.  I will run no less than two times each week for no less than 30 minutes each session starting next week.

3.  I will read one novel each month.

4.  I will hand copy the entire book of Proverbs. (admit I stole this from Mr. Jon Acuff)

5.  I will read the New Testament of the Bible by December 31st.

6.  I will create at least one new blog entry a month.

These were created in no special order although, now that I read through them again, I am thinking their order is quite telling. 

Will not obsess.

I feel this may be life changing... especially the Bible reading. 

My faith has been withering.  I haven't felt God's presence in probably a year.  A long time but not so long ago that I have completely forgotten that peaceful and joyful feeling only He can give that permeates all circumstances.  That feeling that would be inexplicable and unachievable in a Godless world .  I crave it.  And while I feel that He is incredibly far away, I know in my heart that He has never left.

Now, before I think too much and obsess over what I have written as being incredibly oxymoronic and possibly ironic and maybe even moronic..

I will simply hit the Publish Post button and let what will be...

Be.