I went out for coffee and dessert with a dear friend of mine tonight. She was smart and ordered decaf and I was stubborn and ordered a 16oz regular coffee with cream. Here I am at 12:16am wide awake knowing I will be miserably tired come my 6am wake up call when the children are dragging me out of bed while turning on all of the lights chanting in a very loud voice "Mommy, make me some bwekfast pwease!".
In my caffeine stupor I have been thinking and praying and realizing what a shame it has been that I haven't been spending time with God recently. It is such an awesome time to pray and talk to Him. It is amazing how immediately any funk I may have been in evaporates away like a fog lifting. I realize how petty my grievances are or how discontent I have been when I have everything to be thankful for. I find myself asking for forgiveness and feeling reconnected with the Lord again.. immediately. Like a sweet reunion with a dear friend who has been away for a while. Then I immediately begin prayers of thanksgiving and am overwhelmed with my blessings - all which come from Him. Any stress or anxiety that I have been experiencing melts away as I rest in Him and His biblical truths. I weave in and out of this perfect peaceful state where everything seems to be right in the world. I grasp onto the truth that there is a perfect holy God who loves me perfectly who is in control of everything. For a moment or two, I feel like everything could go wrong yet nothing would be wrong. Then, it is like my mind wanders it's way back into this reality of sin with worry and doubt. Oh how nice it would be if we could constantly hold on to the truth. This is why it is so important to read the Bible and memorize scripture and pray. So truth can be written on your heart. I don't understand why it is so difficult for me to discipline myself to spend time with God when, above all else, it gives me the most satisfaction and peace.
Father God, I confess that I have prioritized other things in front of you. I confess that I have been selfish. I confess that I have been impatient with my children and not the wife you have called me to be to my husband. I confess that I have been worrying about our move to France when you have told us not to worry. I know that you have everything under control. I thank you for your forgiveness. Father, please help me to turn to you when the day gets tough. Help me to love you with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength and please help me to love my neighbors as myself. I pray for a heart that is willing to submit to my husband. Father, please make up for my shortcomings when it comes to loving and training of my children. Thank you for all of my blessings... I am so undeserving. I have a husband who loves me, three fabulously spectacular children, a loving and supportive extended family, dear friends, a church that teaches the Word, a cozy home, food on the table, car for transportation, clothes, incredible opportunity to live abroad, healthy family, health insurance, etc, etc ,etc. Thank you so much for loving me even when I am so unlovable. I pray that my love for others can reflect, even a fraction of, your unending and unconditional love. Amen.
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I've been convicted of the same thing lately, it is so easy to prioritize other things ahead of spending time in the Word. But it has such sweet rewards, and I get so selfish when I'm not spending time in it. Thanks for sharing on your blog.
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